Humurous Business Quotes

Found an old book that came courtesy of Ryan Insurance and wanted to have a digital file for these quotes:

• To Err is Human, To Forgive is not company policy.
• Say No, Then negotiate
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...Then give up. There's no use being a damn fool about it. 
• Murphy's Law: If anythingcan go wrong it will.....O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: "Murphy was an optimist."
• If you don't agree with me, it means you havent been listening 
• A billion dollars isn't what it used to be. 
• If you can't convince them, confuse them. 
• An honest executive is one who shares the credit with the man who did all the work. 
• Before you have an argument with your boss, take a good look at oth sides his side and the outside. 
• It isn't what you know that counts, its what you think of in me. 
• Rule of Failure: "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• America is the land of opportunity if you're a businessman in Japan (Lawrence J. Peter) 
• Nothing is quite as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done
• The mark of a  true M.B.A. is that he is often wrong but seldom in doubt (Robert Buzzell) 
• There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong. 
• Law of Destiny: "Glory may be fleeting but obscurity is forever. 
• A business is too big when it takes a week for gossip to go from one end of the office to the other. 
• If it ain't broke, don't fix it- unless you are a consultant 
• The mechanics of running a business are really not very complicated when you get down to essentials. You have to make some stuff and sell it to somebody for more than it cost you. That's about all there is to it, except for a few million details. 
• My decision is maybe and that's final. 
• If it's difficult we do it immediately. If it's impossible it takes a little longer. Miracles by appointment only. 
• Old salesmen never die- they just get out of commission. 
• A committee is twelve men doing the work of one. 
• Business: The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence. (Max Amsterdam) 
• The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. 
• The trouble with mixing business and pleasure is that pleasure usually comes out on top. 
• Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. 
• Never tell a lie...unless lying is one of your strong points. 
• Marketing is simply  sales with a college education
• A good business manager hires optimists as salesmen and pessimists to run the credit department. 
• No business opportunity is ever lost. If you fumble it, your competitor will find it. 
• Business is like an automobile. It won't run itself, except downhill. 
• It's not whether you win or lose - it's how you place the blame. 
• Rule of Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong. 
• If people listened to themselves more often they would talk less. 
• Some executives call passing the buck delegating authority. 
• The golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. 
• If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bit you. This is the principal diference between a dog and a man. 
• A successful executive in business is one who can delegate all the responsibility shift all the blame, and appropriate all the credit. 
• When I first started working I used to dream of the day when I might be earning the salary im now starving on. 
• Anyone who thinks the customer isn't important should try doing without him for a period of 90 days. 
• The typical salesmen is a man with a smile on his face, a shine on his shoes, and a lousy territory. 
• Happiness is a positive cash flow. 
• The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 
• An efficient businessman who found a machine that would do half his work bought two. 
• A nickel goes a long way now. You can carry it around for days without finding a thing it will buy. 
• There are some men who, in a fifty-fifty proposition, insist on getting the hyphen too. 
• If you want something done give it to a busy man and he'll have his secretary do it. 
• There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income (Edmund Wilson) 
• Among the chief worries of today's business executives is the large number of unemployed still on the payrolls. 
• Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough. 
• It is especially hard to work for money youve already spent for something you didn't need. 
• Committee work is like a soft chair - easy to get into but hard to get out of. 
• If all the economists in the world were laid end to end it would probably be a good thing. 
• Choose a job you love, and you will never have to wrok a day in your life. 
• I'm opposed to millionaires but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. (Mark Twain)
• Idealism increases in direct proportion to ones distance from the problem
• I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: Try to please everybody. (Herbert Swope) 
• There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics. 
• Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. ( oscar wilde) 
• Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. 
• Buy low, sell high collect early, and pay late (Dick Levin) 
• Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there (Will Rogers) 
• Management is the art of getting other people to do all the work. 
• I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off. (Andy Rooney) 
• When they say a man is born executive they mean his father owns the business. 
• Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. 
• Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of alarge research staff to study the problem (Bill Vaughan)